Skip to content

Congress Votes to Outsource US Presidency

May 25, 2007

 May 25, 2007: Washington, DC (Conservatard Press News Service) —

Goodby Washington, Hello Walmart.

Congress
today announced that the office of President of
the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made
in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years. “We believe this
is a wise financial move. The cost savings are
huge,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
“We cannot remain competitive on the world stage
with the current level of cash outlay.” Reynolds
noted.
     Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning
of his termination. Preparations for the job move
have been under way for some time.
     Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India will assume the office of President
as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him
eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month, but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
     The ten-hour time difference means that
daytime in Mumbai is the wee hours in Washington
DC.  “Since my prime-time job is in the evening at
the Dell Computer call center, I will be working
days.  Fortunately, not many offices of the US
Government will be open then,” stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview.  “I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President.”
     It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff.

     A Congressional spokesperson noted that while
Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem as President Bush was not
familiar with the issues either.

     Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that
will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issue at all. “We know
these scripting tools work,” stated the
spokesperson. “President Bush has used them
successfully for years.”

     Bush will receive health coverage, expenses,
and salary until his final day of employment.
Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13
weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for
Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed
the allowed limit.

     Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement
services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a
resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may
have difficulties in securing a new position due
to limited practical or successful work
experience.

     A recently released report from the Pentagon
suggests a good prospect for him as a newly
unemployed person may be in the Army National
Guard. There he would be called up with his unit
and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited
briefly before. “I’ve been there, I know all about
Iraq and the conditions there,” stated Mr. Bush.
He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in
his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking
terminal and gift shop.

     A Greeter position at Wal-Mart has also been
suggested, in view of Bush’s extensive experience
shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

     Congress continues to explore other
outsourcing possibilities, including the office of
Vice-president and most of the Cabinet positions.

Advertisements
4 Comments leave one →
  1. Preston permalink
    June 15, 2007 3:40 am

    This is hilarious! If only it were true, we’d be so much better off.

  2. June 19, 2007 10:15 am

    The one time “outsourcing” would be good for America, and the world. LOL!

Trackbacks

  1. iLeo’s Blog » Blog Archive » Congress Votes to Outsource US Presidency
  2. nathanr|ca » Congress Votes to Outsource US Presidency

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: