The Conservatard

 May 25, 2007: Washington, DC (Conservatard Press News Service) —

Congress
today announced that the office of President of
the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made
in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years. “We believe this
is a wise financial move. The cost savings are
huge,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).
“We cannot remain competitive on the world stage
with the current level of cash outlay.” Reynolds
noted.     Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning
of his termination. Preparations for the job move
have been under way for some time.     Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India will assume the office of President
as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the
United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him
eligible for the position. He will receive a
salary of $320 (USD) a month, but with no health
coverage or other benefits.     The ten-hour time difference means that
daytime in Mumbai is the wee hours in Washington
DC.  “Since my prime-time job is in the evening at
the Dell Computer call center, I will be working
days.  Fortunately, not many offices of the US
Government will be open then,” stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview.  “I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President.”     It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff.

     A Congressional spokesperson noted that while
Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem as President Bush was not
familiar with the issues either.

     Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that
will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issue at all. “We know
these scripting tools work,” stated the
spokesperson. “President Bush has used them
successfully for years.”

     Bush will receive health coverage, expenses,
and salary until his final day of employment.
Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13
weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for
Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed
the allowed limit.

     Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement
services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a
resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may
have difficulties in securing a new position due
to limited practical or successful work
experience.

     A recently released report from the Pentagon
suggests a good prospect for him as a newly
unemployed person may be in the Army National
Guard. There he would be called up with his unit
and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited
briefly before. “I’ve been there, I know all about
Iraq and the conditions there,” stated Mr. Bush.
He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in
his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking
terminal and gift shop.

     A Greeter position at Wal-Mart has also been
suggested, in view of Bush’s extensive experience
shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

     Congress continues to explore other
outsourcing possibilities, including the office of
Vice-president and most of the Cabinet positions.

Globalreasearch.ca has an article called “New presidential directive gives Bush dictatorial power” where it gives a brief analysis of Bush’s latest executive order.

Mr. C read the actual post on the Whitehous.gov website a few days ago, but because he is not up on his “legal speak” and was a little confused. That is probably the reason that it was totally missed by the main stream media. Nobody but a lawyer can understand it.

Knowing that King George wants to be a maniacal dictator is not a real shocker. Mr. C has had his prison cell picked out at the “Hotel Halliburton” for a long time now. He looks forward to his “mandatory” vacation dictated by the royal Bush court along with the rest of the liberal scum that refuses to believe a word that his majesty says.

Think of it, day after day of forced rest in your own private cage. Non stop relaxation, only to be interrupted when private Blackwater “instructors” lead you in a variety of “recreational” activities that include:

Water boarding: Swimming is so 1990’s. At Hotel Halliburton you can be dunked into water tanks and have water soaked rages shoved into your nose and mouth. The fun dosn’t stop until you confess to what ever your “instructor” wants to hear.

Climate Acclimation Exercises: Imagine your self standing in 32 degree F rooms for hours on end. You will be the toughest liberal on the cell block.

Costume Parties: What other vacation spot gives you your very own personal hood, ear muffs and mouth gag for that complete isolationist experience.

Standing Parties: Often combined with the Climate Acclimation Exercises, participants are “allowed” to be bound in awkward positions and “encouraged” to stand for up to 8 hours at a time. Imagine how strong your calf and thigh muscles will be after just a week!

Pet Therapy:Ever seen volunteers bringing pets into hospitals and retirement homes as therapy? Well at Hotel Halliburton we take this one step further by introducing inmates “visitors” to frequent visits by trained attack dogs. You will gain a new respect for “mans best friend”.

Cheer up my friends, King George loves his loyal subjects. And those that don’t love his royal majesty in return, will receive a free vacation. The only thing that Mr. C can say is that its nothing but roses and sunshine from now on in the good old US of A.

A friend sent Mr. C a great link from dailykos.com. The link is to an “diary” or blog post by a writer named “kavips“. It is a good read about how the Bushtard regime is trying to stabilize Baghdad long enough to ensure multinational oil companies can have exclusive access to Iraqi oil.

Most people with half a brain in their head know that the entire invasion of Iraq was a rape and pillage of oil neatly wrapped in the guise of the “global war on terror”. However, what a lot of people don’t know is that the Iraqi insurgents didn’t start fighting US troops until they figured out that all the Bushtards wan’t to do is steal the Iraqi oil.

Mr. C can’t really blame them for being a little pissed off.

The Dark, Sticky Secret Behind Cheney’s MidEast Visit

by kavips

Wed May 23, 2007 at 08:36:25 PM PDT

Now four years after the war was won, we still do not have a contract with a legitimate Iraqi government to remove the oil from Iraqi sands. What is wrong with those Iraqi’s. Don’t they want our oil revenues to rebuild their country?

The holdup seems to be what is known as the PSA’s (production sharing agreements). These clauses guarantee US oil companies 70% of the profits up to amortization and 20% after that, whereas everywhere else in the world, the going standard rate is 10% of profits to oil companies, with 90% flowing back to the country. This oil bill must be passed before the Iraqi congress goes on recess May 31st, just 8 days from the date of this posting.

The oil companies estimate that it will cost between 1$ and 1.50$ to extract a barrel of Iraqi gold, the premium of all crudes. At today’s prices of 75$ a barrel this rate of return would be equivalent of kicking a baby in its face and stealing its candy.

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This Tuesday Night Frontline on PBS is going to have a special called Spying on the Home Front. It is to air at 9 PM EST.

Because if takes so long to make these documentaries Mr. C hasfound that Frontline can sometimes be a little behind the news. Timeliness aside, Frontline makes some of the best documentaries on TV today.

A review of the show can be found by Glenn Greenwald on Salon.com called PBS’s “Frontline: Spying on the Home Front”.

Of it Greenwald says “Like the Bill Moyers documentary on the pre-Iraq press failures, the program does not really contain blockbuster new revelations that are unknown to those who have been attentive to these matters, but is nonetheless very much worth watching because it powerfully dramatizes the severity of privacy erosion at the hands of a federal government operating largely in the dark.”

Sounds good to Mr. C. This is the issue that got Mr. C involved in “sticking it to the man” in the first place. If he can’t watch it he will record it. Also Mr. C will post the link to the show after it is broadcast.

From the Frontline website:

Spying on the Home Front

(60 minutes) FRONTLINE addresses an issue of major consequence for all Americans: Is the Bush administration’s domestic war on terrorism jeopardizing our civil liberties? Reporter Hedrick Smith presents new material on how the National Security Agency’s domestic surveillance program works and examines clashing viewpoints on whether the president has violated the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) and infringed on constitutional protections. In another dramatic story, the program shows how the FBI vacuumed up records on 250,000 ordinary Americans who chose Las Vegas as the destination for their Christmas-New Year’s holiday, and the subsequent revelation that the FBI has misused National Security Letters to gather information. Probing such projects as Total Information Awareness, and its little known successors, Smith discloses that even former government intelligence officials now worry that the combination of new security threats, advances in communications technologies, and radical interpretations of presidential authority may be threatening the privacy of Americans. (read the press release)

Mr. C. read an interesting article on tompaine.com yesterday. It is an article called Coming Soon To A Toll Booth Near You by Sam Pizzigati. In the article Mr. Pizzigati discusses how in the past our tax dollars were spent on increasing the commons of the public. By commons Mr. C is referring to things like roadways, airports, community buildings, water ways, etc.

In the last 30years because of the policies that Ronny “Bonzo” Reagan started and his successor King George have extended, local governments don’t have the funds to invest in public infrastructure. In fact they don’t have enough money to even provide the basic services that most communities need. Hence many state governments are looking to sell or lease our public infrastructure to various private Wall Steet vultures.

When will the American people say enough is enough and kick these conservards to the curb? When will people wake up to the fact that conservatards hate government and are picking the pockets of tax payers to line the pockets of Wall Street? Hopefully it will be before most of us end up living on the street.

Coming Soon To A Toll Booth Near You

Sam Pizzigati

May 08, 2007

Sam Pizzigati edits Too Much, an online weekly on excess and inequality.

Fifty years ago, almost all major corporations and wealthy individuals in the United States paid a hefty chunk of their income in local, state and federal taxes. Those tax dollars, in turn, helped build and maintain roads and bridges, sewers and schools, airports and harbors—what economists call our “public infrastructure.”

This tax-and-spend cycle helped keep America both relatively equal and efficient. The taxes on high incomes discouraged grand accumulations of private wealth. The spending on infrastructure encouraged economic growth and opportunity. In today’s United States, unfortunately, this virtuous cycle no longer spins. The wealthy no longer pay hefty taxes. Local, state and federal governments no longer invest in infrastructure. Yesterday’s United States built bridges. Today’s builds fortunes.

And now those private fortunes are taking aim at America’s public infrastructure. Wall Street bankers and investment firms, Business Week reports, are rushing to raise cash for public infrastructure buyouts.

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Last weeks Republican presidential debate said more about the overall desperation of the Republican party than all of their war mongering hate speeches combined. With the “holy” name of Ronald Reagan being brought up more than a dozen times and the current presidents name only once.

So as to not let the Republican propaganda machine change what Ronald Reagan was really about, Mr. C thought he should share an interesting article printed on Commondrems.org. The article entitled The Reagan Myth by Cherie Miner. The author helps set the record strait by dispelling some of the myths that the current Republicans are spinning about the former president.

The article is presented here for The Conservatards reader(s)? convenience. However, please visit the site and look at the readers comments about Miners article. They shed a lot of infromation about what the “real” Ronald Reagan was all about.

The Reagan Myth

by Cherie Miner

How much longer am I going to hear about the great Ronald Reagan? I was sick of it in 1980.Too young to vote by only five months, I watched helplessly as this B-movie actor “charmed” Americans out of their votes. I read the writing on the wall — I was going to get stuck paying for this man’s playacting with higher student loans and lost economic opportunities. All because I had the misfortune to be born into the lower middle class. At 17, I could smell the manure that was “trickle-down economics.” And I hadn’t even taken Econ 101 yet.

So it was doubly insulting to me six months later to see this man’s photo from his WHO sportscasting days hanging in Drake University’s Rathskellar, where I ate breakfast every day. Especially as I knew I’d be paying two percentage points more on every student loan I had to take out for college.

When will Americans learn a good dye job and witty comment do not make a great president? You have to look at the policy, not the P.R. As citizens, we are most affected by the laws passed under an administration, not the speeches and public appearances. It’s a shell game, and we need to keep our eyes on the hands, not the face.

Now, the Republican Party which so riotously embraced Reagan and his pseudo-heir George W. Bush, is struggling against its own self-destruction. And their entire field of candidates is battling to wear the Reagan mantle, with Fred Thompson being the most obvious imitator in his leap from acting to presidential politics.

Why? Reagan was the man who gave us the federal deficit Clinton had to eliminate. He dismantled the Department of Energy we could now sorely use. Think about all the research lost over the last 27 years. Perhaps we wouldn’t be struggling with rising gas prices now.

This former Hollywood player began the development of the “Star Wars” missile defense system. Do you think it’s a coincidence this system is known by a movie’s name? It’s about as real as Darth Vadar. And we’re still wasting money on it.

Under Reagan, the “me” generation developed, and economic uncertainty increased for middle and low income workers. Starting salaries for college graduates declined. I feel as though I’m reliving the past under the current administration, only it’s worse. Like a nightmare.

And finally, has everyone forgotten Grenada and the Iran-Contra affair? History has revealed the facts of the Reagan years, yet Americans still deny them.

Which is why the Republican field is vying to be Reagan’s conservative heir. They bought the lies, too. Reagan was not a cowboy, any more than George W. Bush is. He just played one.

And 40th President of the United States was his greatest role ever.

Cherie Miner is a parent, community volunteer, freelance writer and artist living and working in Southwest Iowa. In her former life, she was a corporate writer and public relations professional.

King George decided to celebrate Mayday by vetoing the “emergency” spending bill that set non-binding time-lines for troop withdrawals from Iraq.  In response, Americans United for Change has released a TV commercial commemorating the kings second veto ever.